Consequences: a short sequel to Captain's Prerogative
by fictiongal
Summary: Captain Picard must deal with the fallout of sending his love away for the good of his ship and crew. He also has to convince Starfleet he is still capable of commanding the Enterprise, by getting a handle on his emotions, but to do that needs a Vulcan's help. I don't own Star Trek. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


Authors Note: This story follows my prior novel "Captain's Prerogative" and precedes the subsequent Novel "Change of Heart." Here is revealed the consequences of Picard's choice to send his love away and how he deals with the resulting emotional fall out.

* * *

_Captain's Log: In accordance with orders from Starfleet Command, I am recording my mental status. I slept well last night, and had no disturbing dreams or nightmares. I find that I have good concentration and do not feel distracted. Crew morale is excellent as is my interaction with the crew and my senior staff. I feel in full command of my faculties."_

Picard clicked off the record button on his desk panel and frowned at it. He understood why he had been subjected to close psychological supervision these past few months, but he resented it nonetheless. This time it felt even more repressive than when he underwent similar scrutiny following his rescue from the Borg. His reports had been consistently positive for weeks now and he hoped would be sufficient evidence to convince the Starfleet Reliability Board that the restrictions he had been subjected to should be lifted. His next exam was less than a week away and they were on route to Earth for that very reason. He finished his report, time stamped it and submitted it. In addition to recording his mental status each day, he was also required to see Counselor Troi daily. He checked the time. She would be expecting him shortly.

He stood from his desk, exited his Ready Room and walked onto the Bridge. Nothing appeared to be amiss. He addressed Commander Riker. "I shall return within the hour," he told him. Riker nodded and averted his eyes, knowing exactly where Picard was headed.

"Hello, Captain," Deanna greeted him. "Please come in. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, thank you."

Deanna stepped away from the replicator in her office with a steaming cup of Earl Grey and handed it to him.

"So… here we are once again," Picard said with a half-smile as he sipped his tea. "You must be getting as tired of this as I am."

"I always enjoy talking with you."

"You're being kind. This talk is always about the same thing. It made sense to discuss it in those early days when I was having so much difficulty, but at this point, it's become a waste of both our time."

"I hope that it is a waste of time, because that would mean it's no longer an issue for you."

"It's not an issue. I've moved on. I'm not having those dreams anymore… haven't in weeks as you know. I'm able to focus fully on my duties. No self recrimination, no regrets. I'm over it."

"I'm glad to hear it. Since you seem to have come to grips with this, maybe you can help someone who hasn't. Someone that I haven't been able to discuss this with."

"You're not talking about Commander Riker, are you? I thought he completed his counseling."

"No, I'm not talking about Will. He's doing fine. I'm talking about Data."

"Data?" Picard looked at her in surprise. "Data has been performing his duties admirably as always. I hadn't noticed any problem."

"You wouldn't. He's been keeping his emotion chip turned off. I've tried to have him activate it to deal with his feelings but he continues to refuse."

Picard frowned trying to puzzle out why Data would choose to suppress his emotions. "I knew they were friendly, but I didn't think they'd spent that much time together. Do you believe he's especially upset about what happened."

"I think he must be. Why else would he refuse to talk to me and reactivate his emotion chip?"

"So you want me talk to him," Picard surmised. "Thinking perhaps he'll open up to me."

"Yes, I'm hoping so."

Picard nodded, somewhat reluctantly. "Very well. I'll see to it."

That evening, Picard asked Data to report to him in his quarters. Data showed up at the appointed time, perfectly punctual as always. He sat in the chair Picard pointed him toward. "How are you doing, Data?" he asked.

"I am fully functional, Captain. Do you have some reason to question my operations?"

"No, not at all. You have been absolutely reliable and have been performing your duties well."

"Then I am curious as to why you have asked to meet with me."

"Data, as you well know, we experienced an emotionally trying event three months ago. I have had to undergo extensive counseling to address my own difficulties in dealing with the choice I had to make at the time. Riker was similarly affected. The only way we have recovered is by expressing our emotions and facing them head-on. I've been told that you are suppressing your feelings by refusing to activate your emotion chip."

"It is my right, Captain."

"Yes, of course it is. No one can or should try to force you to feel emotion if you choose not to. However, it concerns me that something you valued so very much in your quest to become more human you are now denying yourself. I have to ask why."

"Shea was my friend, Captain."

"That may be, but you've lost friends before. People come in and out of our lives over and over for a variety of reasons. We can't shut ourselves down as a result of that. Don't you think you're overreacting?"

"With my emotion chip off, I am not reacting at all. Which I think is best for the both of us."

"The both of us? It sounds as if you need to get something off your chest, Data."

Data automatically looked down at his front.

"I meant that clearly you have something you want to say to me, but are preventing yourself, by denying your emotions."

"Ah," Data nodded in understanding. "You are correct, Captain."

"Data, I give you permission to be totally honest with me. I'm willing to hear what you have to say and I promise to keep an open mind."

"Thank you, Captain. I appreciate the offer, but I hesitate to take you up on it. I am concerned there may be… objectionable consequences."

"I understand that if your emotion chip were activated you may have some unpleasant emotions to experience and share with me." Picard surmised. "but please trust that I will be patient and help you address them. I have dealt with my own guilt and loss, so I assure you that am sympathetic. I urge you to activate your emotion chip, Data."

Data nodded. "If you insist, Captain, but I think I should give you a safeword, just in case my emotions prove to be more intense than you anticipated."

That gave Picard pause, but he pushed onward. "Very well. What is your safeword?"

"Guilty," Data answered, then his eyes and his head twitched simultaneously. The yellow eyes focused and narrowed at him. "You son-of-a-bitch."

Picard stiffened. He hadn't seen Data this angry looking since the time Data had been under the influence of his unethical brother Lore. Picard held the safeword at the forefront of his mind in case he needed it.

"Shea did everything you asked of her and more, and that is how you repaid her," Data continued, his face now twisted with rage. "How do you live with yourself? How do you sleep at night knowing what you did?"

"It hasn't been easy I assure you," Picard answered truthfully. "I had no idea you felt this way."

"Shea was my friend, more than my friend. She would have died for you, for any of us, and you betrayed her. "

"That's a little strong, don't you think?"

"Are you really that deluded, Captain? That blinded by duty and responsibility that you cannot recognize something as extraordinary as the loyalty and love she offered? "

"Data, we were misled. We didn't know her true nature. She's the creation of a very dangerous entity who takes an active interest in her. Anyone associated with her takes a huge risk. I couldn't put the Enterprise in danger like that no matter what my personal feelings were, or yours. I'm sorry if my decision hurt you. I had no idea you were so attached."

"There were many things you did not know, Captain. She confided in me."

"I see."

"No, I do not think you do. Did you know how much pain she was in, every single day because of your stupid non-fraternization rule?"'

"Pain? Aren't you exaggerating?"

"No, I am not. I tried to help, but I was insufficient. I do not have the biological element she requires. No chemistry as humans like to say."

"Are you telling me you were intimate with her?"

"I am telling you that I tried to relieve her pain, to help her, while you turned a blind eye and rejected her over and over, despite her obvious distress."

"I did end up bonding with her, if you recall," Picard said defensively. "And it cost me dearly. You have no idea how painful that separation was. It was like being sliced in half."

"She was sliced in half 98 years ago when you abandoned her. You saw her innocence then, how easy she was to manipulate and you took advantage of that, then you left her alone to suffer the consequences when you jumped back to your own time. She was barely an adult. You were her first bonding. She loved you and spent all those years looking for you, waiting for you, still loyal to you despite what you had done to her." Data drove his words home even as the weight of them was clearly taking its toll. "Then when she finally found you, you treated her with nothing but contempt and suspicion. Can you imagine what that must have felt like for her? She had no choice. But you did. She could have stayed here with us if you had not been such a coward. If you had trusted her the way she trusted you. But no, you rejected her again. Broke her heart again. Left her behind again to suffer alone whatever horror fate had in store for her."

"Stop it, Data. I don't want to hear any more." Picard lowered his head into his hands, trying to press the tears back. He didn't want to feel this rush of guilt return again, the regrets, the longing. He'd had no choice, no choice.

"You do not want to hear the truth. And I do not want to feel this sadness, this loss, this painful empty place in me that she once filled. With her, I felt connected. I belonged. I was accepted. She never saw me as a mere machine to be analyzed or disassembled as so many do. She never told me I talked too much, or belittled me for not understanding the nuances of humor and emotions. She respected me. She was patient and caring. I loved her. You sent her away, and for that, I cannot forgive you."

Picard lifted his head to look at Data and saw tears that matched his own. "I'm so sorry, Data. For both of us. Truly sorry."

Data hung his head and began to sob. "I do not want to feel this. I do not…"

Picard put his hand on Data's knee to comfort him. It did not have the desired effect. Data's head snapped up and his face was filled with rage. He grabbed Picard by the neck and lifted him till his feet dangled. "It is your fault, damn you!"

Picard felt his airway being cut off. He barely choked out the safeword. "Guilty!"

Data dropped him to the floor.

"Captain, are you injured?" Data inquired calmly. "Shall I summon Dr. Crusher?"

Picard sat on the floor, rubbing his neck. "No," he croaked, "I think I'm all right."

Data reached down and set his captain back on his feet.

"I apologize, Captain, but I did warn you.'

"Yes, you did, Mr. Data. You certainly did."

"Perhaps we both need more time with Counselor Troi," Data concluded matter-of-factly.

Picard nodded in agreement.

The next day in Counselor Troi's office, Picard was angry with her. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he accused. "Suggesting I talk to Data. You knew it would set me back."

Deanna sighed. "I feared it might. If it hadn't, I would have known you were truly past this, but clearly you are not. The guilt and regret haven't gone away. You may be able to suppress those feelings for longer periods of time so you can function, but they are still there. You haven't forgiven yourself."

"Forgiven myself." He shook his head. "There are many things for which I will never forgive myself. This is just one more thing to add to that list."

"This isn't just one more thing. It's not something you can dismiss so easily. The dreams returned last night, did they not?"

Picard looked away. There was no point in denying it when Deanna already knew the answer. "It doesn't matter. I can deal with it." He tried to change the focus of their conversation. "What about Data? Can you help him?"

"I believe I can, now that he is willing to examine his feelings. I have to thank you for convincing him to activate his emotions. I knew from the facts he had told me that he was probably harboring some deep feelings about what transpired between him and Shea. I'm relieved that he can finally experience his feelings. I think now I can help him find some peace."

"I hope so. I had no idea he felt so deeply about her."

"And how did that make you feel, knowing that they had that connection?"

"Sad. I understand what he has been trying so hard to suppress."

"Not jealous?"

"Jealous? No, I don't think so. I just felt empathy. We both lost something very precious." Picard felt tears welling again. He swiped them away angrily. "Damn it! I'm so tired of feeling this way. I have to get over this. Put it behind me. I can't keep doing this every time something or someone reminds me of her. Sometimes, I wish I were Vulcan."

"You can't turn yourself into something you're not, Captain, but I've been thinking that someone who is Vulcan might be able to help you with these emotions so they no longer interfere with your daily thought processes."

"You have someone in mind?"

"I do. Ambassador Spock. Not only does he have the mental abilities of his Vulcan heritage, you trust him personally, and since he knows firsthand what it means to be bonded to Shea, he is well suited to assist you in dealing with your separation from her. If anyone can help, I think he can."

Picard nodded in agreement. "Perhaps."

"With your permission, I will contact him and apprise him of your situation."

"Very well, Counselor. Keep me informed."

Within the day, Troi got back to him. Ambassador Spock was amenable to meeting with him. Spock was enroute to the Keplar system, but was willing to rendezvous at a convenient mid-point, which would take the Enterprise only slightly off its present course back to Earth, a half day away at standard warp speed. "Make it so," Picard ordered. His Reliability Board review was fast approaching. He had to get a handle on this.

Spock's transport ship waited at the designated coordinates when the Enterprise arrived. Spock requested permission to come aboard and Picard soon welcomed him to the privacy of his own quarters.

"It seems we have much to discuss, Captain," Spock observed.

"Yes," Picard agreed. "I hope you don't mind the informality of my personal quarters. I thought its privacy might serve us best."

"Agreed." Spock glanced around the room at Picard's furnishings and collections of books and mementoes. "Hmmm…" he noted after a moment. "Interesting."

Picard observed Spock's raised eyebrow and sighed. "Won't you have a seat, Ambassador? May I offer you something to eat or drink?"

Spock chose a brown simulated leather chair and lowered himself into it. "I require no sustenance at the moment."

Picard nodded and sat across from him. "I understand that Counselor Troi informed you of my present difficulties."

"Counselor Troi informed me that you are an emotional wreck in danger of losing your command."

Picard inhaled. "Well. I didn't expect that description."

"Perhaps because you are in denial."

"So, are you here to berate me or to help me?"

"Both, I think," Spock replied and smiled at him, taking Picard completely by surprise.

"I'm not used to seeing a Vulcan smile. Especially in response to another's obvious distress."

"You forget, Captain. I am half-human. It took me a long time to come to terms with that fact, but I finally accepted that my human half does not make me less Vulcan. I embrace both parts of myself and value them equally. In this case, my human side recognizes the irony of our situation."

"Irony?"

"Oh yes," Spock stated. "Very much so. We are connected on so many levels. You are John Pike, the mystery man from Shea's past. The very same man from the future she once told me of. To learn that the man who held my own father's emotions in his mind, and shared them with me after his passing, is the very same man who fathered Shea's first child, the child I watched grow into adulthood and learned to call son, and then to be summoned now to offer assistance to that same man who suffers as a result of those very events… " Spock shook his head and smiled again. "If that is not ironic, I do not know what is."

"You knew my son," Picard said in wonder. "I had no idea."

Spock frowned and nodded. "Indeed. Shea gave up her newborn for his own safety. A Klingon prison is no place for an infant. Jim… that is, Captain Kirk, took the child from her and gave him to his sister to raise on Earth. After Shea's release, she visited her son often, but was convinced the child was better off where he was. Then something happened with Derek that frightened her and rather than leave her son behind, she took him with her and went into hiding. A few years later, she came to me. She felt a life on the run was not in his best interest, and thought that he needed a father. She asked if they could find a safe home with me on Vulcan. I had always had strong feelings for her, ones I tried to deny, of course… much like yourself. In short, I took them in. They kept a low profile, and I claimed her child as my own."

"He called you father then?"

"He still does, though he is fully aware that I am not his biological parent."

Picard fell silent, taking it all in. "I suppose I owe you my thanks."

"None required. I was amply rewarded by the experience."

"So how do you feel about trying to help me with this now? In light of this irony, as you call it."

"I would have to characterize my reaction as mixed. In my prior experience with you, I found you to be an honorable man deeply committed to furthering the best principles of Starfleet. I was impressed by your strength of will and your strong moral center. Of course, at the time, I was not aware that you were the cause of Shea's trauma and subsequent emotional turmoil. Nor did I know that once she found you again, you would choose to reject her once more. Based on those facts, I could be quite content knowing you suffer and feel it perfectly just."

"So you've come here to deny me aid and to see for yourself that I am impaired."

"No, Captain. Although I must admit that it does give me some satisfaction to personally witness your suffering, I came here to help you."

"Why? If you feel the way you do, why help me?"

"Because Shea chose you, Captain. She will always be bonded to you, just as she is to me. Together or apart, that bond remains. Shea would want me to help you. For that reason, and that alone, I will do everything in my power to assist you."

"This isn't helping," Picard said, close to breaking down again. "I feel worse than ever."

Spock smiled grimly. "Good."

"Are you playing games with me, Spock?"

"One last small revenge delivered with the absolute truth, Captain, before I attempt to assist you."

Picard nodded in understanding. If he were in Spock's position, he doubted he would have had nearly as much self-control. "So if you're through, how do we proceed?" he asked.

"As before, I will enact a mind meld with you. I cannot teach you in a matter of moments what it took me decades to learn, but I can do some of the work for you and give you the rudimentary tools to keep your darker emotions at bay. Are you prepared to have me enter your thoughts, Captain?"

Reluctantly, Picard nodded. This was undoubtedly his best hope for getting control back, but he did not relish revealing his vulnerable underside to Spock's scrutiny, especially knowing what Spock thought of him now. He felt even sadder knowing he had lost Spock's respect.

Spock leaned toward him and placed his fingers alongside Picard's face and forehead. "Your thoughts to mine, my thoughts to yours…" he intoned hypnotically.

Picard instantly felt the existence of another mind within his own, pressing in upon him, digging into his darkest places without mercy. He felt a sense of panic and tried to pull away, but he was frozen in Spock's mental grip. Spock's mind continued to probe, slicing away Picard's defenses, refusing to be turned aside by excuses and explanations, crushing them all and going right to the exposed core of Picard's blackest fears and deepest sorrow. Picard had never felt so naked and ashamed. He was sobbing, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Spock wrapped his mind around Picard's pain filled memories, cut them off from the rest of Picard's awareness, and placed them in a mentally constructed box. He then filed that box away on a mentally constructed shelf. Picard stopped crying. He saw the box in his mind, knew its contents, knew he could open it at will, or choose not to. It wasn't gone, but it was manageable - something he could control rather than having it control him. He took a deep shuddering breath as Spock's mind withdrew.

Picard opened his eyes to see Spock watching him, his face expressionless. "Thank you." Picard said.

"I did not do it for you," Spock reminded him. "I did it for her."

Picard nodded in understanding. The words stung, but they did not cripple him.

"I see that I have been successful in assisting you."

"You have. I feel in control again. You've compartmentalized my thoughts - the box on the shelf - accessible but safely bound. I haven't forgotten what happened or what I did, but I can keep those memories set aside and in perspective. They won't take me over anymore. I'm confident of that."

"Congratulations. You have received a core lesson in emotional control as taught by the elders. I must tell you, however, that sharing such skills with off-worlders is prohibited."

"I see," Picard replied. "I promise not to reveal what you have done for me. I am very grateful to learn how Vulcans control their strong emotions."

"This is merely one tool. Purging the mind of emotion is a long laborious series of lessons learned and practiced for years. I came close but did not fully complete the Vulcan emotional purging. I recognized that my path lay elsewhere. My father mastered these skills as you know, until of course he became impaired by illness near the end of his life. I am still grateful to you for helping him when he was most vulnerable."

"It was a great honor that he bestowed on me," Picard replied with all sincerity.

Spock rose to his feet. "I will leave you now and continue my journey."

"Ambassador, may I ask you a question?" he asked, still sitting.

"You may."

"Were you ever made aware of the true nature of the man who called himself Derek Jacobs?"

"True nature?" Spock frowned in puzzlement. "I am aware that he was particularly eccentric and apparently dangerous. To what nature exactly are you referring?"

Picard hesitated uncertain whether the truth should be revealed. "Let's just say that he was far more dangerous than anyone could have imagined."

"Was he the reason you sent her away?"

"I take it that you didn't read my thoughts about her?"

"No, I did not care to know the details."

"Then let's leave it at that." Picard stood and held up his hand splitting his fingers apart in the traditional Vulcan manner. "Live long and prosper, Ambassador."

Spock mirrored him. "Live long and prosper, Captain."

A week later, Picard appeared before Starfleet's Reliability Board to convince it's eight officers that he was fully capable of leading the Federation's flagship. He was able to answer honestly that he no longer suffered from nightmares, no longer felt close to tears, no longer felt distracted from his duties, no longer second guessed his decision to send Shea away, and finally and most importantly that his professional reliability and his loyalty to Starfleet and the Federation were rock solid.

When he returned to the Enterprise, he was the Captain of his ship and of his own mind once more.


End file.
